Now We Are Free

How free are you?

It’s a powerful question, with so many dimensions. Freedom can mean different things: freedom of speech, freedom of worship, the freedom to express our identity, financial freedom, geographic freedom, freedom of time…or freedom from sin.

But it’s challenging—maybe impossible—to hold all these freedoms at once. For instance, if you’re pursuing financial freedom, you may sacrifice some of your time freedom.

And while each of these freedoms has value, there is one that stands above them all: mental, emotional, mindful, and spiritual freedom.

Bob Marley sang, “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery,” a profound insight that resonates with me. Many of us, myself included, are trapped in self-imposed mental prisons, shutting ourselves off from the blessings that make life worth living—joy, peace, contentment, kindness, humility, rest, and, yes, even fun.

Recently, I reconnected with this truth in a very tangible way. Letting go of my business brought feelings of disappointment, but also a sense of renewal. I’m fortunate to be at a stage in my healing journey where I trust myself to feel deeply again, and for the first time in two years, I booted up my PlayStation 5 and just played video games. And you know what? It was fun. While I’ve had moments of enjoyment in the past couple of years, they were rare and fleeting.

Nothing had changed—my console had been sitting in the same spot all along. It was my mind that was blocking me from enjoying it. That experience was symbolic of how I had been blocked from enjoying so many things over these past two years.

It’s hard to put into words, and while depression may have played a role, it was just part of the picture. Even in moments when I wasn’t depressed, I was often still blocked.

As I brought this struggle to God, He revealed an insightful truth. When we live solely to meet the hopes and expectations of others, we can lose touch with our own identity—and with it, the ability to truly have fun, to know ourselves deeply enough to enjoy life.

Some may think I started my business to make money, and while I care about providing a good life for my family, that wasn’t the primary motivation. Through reflection and prayer, I realized I started my business because I so badly wanted to prove my worth—mainly to my dad. It sounds irrational, especially since I’d convinced myself long ago that I’d never gain his approval.

But intellectual acknowledgment isn’t the same as true healing.

I won’t go into specifics because it would take days and a lot of emotional energy to fully explain the family dynamics at play, so suffice it to say that no matter what I achieved it was never enough for my dad. Eventually, I realized that nothing would ever be enough—not because of a lack within me, but because of his own unmet needs.

He had been trying to fill something within himself through me, and I took a hard path to finally understand and heal from this painful truth.

I started my business thinking that maybe, if I became a successful business owner—the image of success my dad had always wanted for me—he would finally be proud of me. Maybe, he’d finally love me. What I received was the opposite. But despite the challenges, despite the pain, I healed. And now, I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually free.

My life will never be the same. In some ways, my journey has made things harder than they needed to be, especially had I been able to learn these lessons earlier or without as much personal and professional sacrifice. But that’s my story. I accept it, and I thank God that I’m still young, with many still unwritten chapters in my story. This isn’t the end, and I trust that God is restoring the years that the locusts have eaten.

I can see clearly now that I was being pruned, and while it hurt, and while it may even appear that I’m worse off, I know the truth: I am now positioned to bear even greater fruit. For the first time in a long time—maybe even since childhood—I have the freedom to feel, and I can choose to feel happy. What a glorious freedom and gift that is.

Whatever kind of freedom you seek, remember that none of it matters without the freedom to feel. So look to the Son who can set you free. And now, you are free.